My Story.... First, let me start out by saying, I am grateful for the life I've lived. I've triumphed and I've failed, but I'm still here today knowing I've gone through those road bumps leading me to exactly this place. Here and Now to help guide others on their journey.
I grew up a wild country girl on a ranch in Montana. I’ve always had a passion for the outdoors and animals. I was painfully shy and socially awkward. The only thing that was clear to me was –I was flawed, there was something wrong with me and I guessed it was because I was ugly and had a big nose.
I met my ex-husband when I was still young. He was the hired man working for my uncle. I was terrified on our first date. I was sure we were getting into something when he claimed he was taking me to a place I knew didn't exist. But to my surprise there we were eating and dancing the night away. We did one day get married, got a place of our own and started our life together. We worked, and we worked hard to make ends meet.
The Next Chapter... I started to realize a gift I’ve always had dreams. I feel that you can tell if it’s just a dream or if it’s one that’s going to happen. I woke up one night in a cold sweat. I had just dreamt George’s death and I knew it was going to happen. It was an accident – haying. I had seen the whole thing. First I got mad at myself. What kind of a weirdo has that kind of dream about someone they love? Then I decided to try to change things.
I have always been fascinated with psychics. My friend went to one in Billings and told me about her experience. I wanted to go too. My questions were mostly financial- the ranch was struggling. I also wondered about my purpose. I was thinking, believing that I had something big to accomplish but had no idea what it was. I finally got the chance to go to Billings and made my appointment with the psychic. I was ready, excited, but not for what I got. The lady, Peggy said “you have a question that you want to ask.” I said no I don’t. She said “If it’s about the dream, I see the same thing that you do. It is something that has to happen for you to be the person that your supposed to become.”
At first I was crushed, thinking the accident was something that had to happen. Then, I got mad. No way, I didn’t have to lose my husband to become the person that I was supposed to be. I started taking on challenges that I normally wouldn’t. I talked to people that I would have been to shy to before. And then, I would look at George and know that I hadn’t changed anything. I just knew. It was making me crazy. I told George about the dream.
I was taking another trip to Billings with my best friend Lynne. We were going down to school shop. On our trip I got a funny feeling and told Lynne “ Peggy wants to talk to me.” We got to Billings and I called her and asked her what she wanted. She said that if I thought she wanted to talk to me , someone did, and I should come in. Lynne went with me and we both got to talk to Peggy. Lynne had lost her son to Leukemia, she hoped to contact him. He came thru and Lynne received the peace that she needed. Me – I was ready to fight the devil or anyone else to stop this accident. I told Peggy “ I don’t give a damn this is not going to happen!” She calmly looked at me and said “ you are trying to play God.” I felt everything drain out of me and I knew she was right. I had done everything I could. It was out of my hands. It was up to God.
The Day Fall and winter passed. Spring came; I had been working at the school as a one to one aid for a student with undiagnosed Asperger’s. The ranch, our ranch, was going broke. We were behind on our payments to my Mom and Dad and our debt at the bank kept growing. Summer came, school got out for break and we were back to haying. Then it started, the day of my dream. This was it, this was the day , just like my dream. We had rented a trailer to haul the swather. In my dream the accident happened loading the swather on the bank over by the river. I tried to change it, when I got to the field with the trailer I parked it in a different place. George got mad and cussed and hollered at me and told me to move the trailer over by the river where the bank was steeper. The spot in my dream. I was in my head. I was cussing and praying calling out to God to please don’t let this happen. We had lost a good friend Ric, I prayed and cursed Ric , God- damn it don’t let this happen… I parked the trailer, still swearing and praying “ Please don’t let this happen and don’t make me help with it.” My job was to direct George onto the trailer with the swather. He started onto the trailer BOOM !!!!!!! Two trailer tires blew out and the swather dropped down onto the trailer. George was furious, he was mad at me and trying to figure out how he could afford two tires and get the swather moved. “ You don’t get it “ I said “ It’s over, your alive”. It was really just the beginning of the end- of us, our marriage, our ranch, family and life as I knew it. I just didn’t know it then.
Starting Over The first year after our divorce is at best blurry. I lost my way. The kids talk about things that happened and I don’t remember a lot of them, maybe it was the shock of everything that I was going through. The unthinkable had happened and my brain couldn’t comprehend or accept it. I turned to cards, angel and sometimes tarot. I worked with ruins, and other oracles. I was searching, for something anything that would tell me that it would be ok, that I would be ok. The first year after the divorce I started over with less than a hundred dollars, two times.
Today I continue to believe in and practice my spiritual side. I met a new love and partner to share in this life. Audie and I lived together 2 years before we got married. We continue to juggle families, jobs, grown children , grandkids …. So far it is working and I’m glad. I don’t know if I’m the person that I was supposed to become but so far its been one hell of a ride called life and I’m not done yet.
Many people played a part in getting to a place that I feel like I can truly live my purpose. There are many stories both happy and sad between what I share here. I feel to be ready to create real healing, we must be a bit vulnerable, which is why I share this with you. You can see I am a person, just like you who has gone through some SH** and come out the other side stronger and more alive. Don't be afraid to ask for and accept help in times of need. That is why I am here. To bring more peace and healing to those who need it.